It is hard to imagine life has gone on without David for nine long years now. It was nine years ago this day that I held my long string-bean boy and tried to memorize his every feature, to burn it into my brain and heart so I would not, could not forget. It was on this day that I stroked his short, thick, brown hair and told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was that I could not save him. It was on this day that I watched him take his last breath. That moment has forever changed me.

I make a conscious decision to not think about this day... this horrible, horrible day...but for one week of the year. I relive it in moments that come over me in waves of panic and nausea. I eat little and sleep less and am relieved when March 9 is over.

It is hard not to live in the past when your own child dies. There are constant what-ifs and what could have beens. There is guilt for not doing more for David when he was alive and then a heavy-handed judgment for those who lack appreciation for the children that they do have. There is self-pity and self-loathing. Regret and anguish.

What I want to say to all of you now is cherish the ones you love. Tell them you love them. Treat them right. If you have disagreements, resolve them. If you have hardness in your heart towards someone, soften it. Be kind to others.

I am so envious of all of you that have all of your children. You cannot know how fortunate you are.